If I had a nickle for every time someone has said to me “you have it all together” I would be wealthy. This is the post to show you I do not in fact “have it all together”. I really think I must have embraced the “fake it til you make it” mantra years ago and while many days I do feel like I’ve got a handle on things there are days (weeks) when I do not. Order is my friend and I can handle a day out of order but when the entire week goes to crap I begin to feel anxiety sweep in, the blood begins to boil and I am extremely unsettled. The result this week has been feeling overwhelmed enough that I don’t feel I can breath in enough air and extreme fatigue. I just do not feel I can get enough sleep.
The good news is I know this is temporary chaos. For those of you out there who thrive on renovating homes and DIY projects I applaud you, envy you, want to emulate you but it is not in my DNA. This one little bathroom reno, not even the full bathroom mind you, has me all worked up.
We are on day four of no master shower which means every morning when Keith awakens at the ass crack of dawn 4:45am he mosies to the other side of the house, across the brown paper that has been laid down, for his shower and then back to our room to dress. What I should have done all week is jump out of bed at the same time and start the coffee but instead I continue to drift in and out of sleep.
One of the things I despise the most is dust….y’all it’s everywhere in my master bed and bath. The furniture is covered, the floor is covered and in hindsight I think we should have just covered the bed and gone to sleep in the guest room.
I have made zero trips to the gym this week even though last night I slept in my workout clothes as extra motivation. Such a catch 22 because the workouts actually give me energy and relieve so much stress but I just could not wrap my mind around it all. Except for Monday night when I was writing my day in the life post, I have also not washed my face before going to bed.
In order to shut the master closet door I had to take this shoe holder off the door and I also added some of the things from the bathroom to my closet floor. Due to the overall inability to get too far into the closet I’ve just been tossing clothes on the floor instead of hanging them up. It’s a disaster and this does not make me want to get dressed every day.
Tuesday was the only night I had a meal planned. Dinner has been chips and hot sauce for me two nights and I am thinking tonight may have to be breakfast. For lunch yesterday I ate avocado toast, two mini cucumbers and some berries because that is what was available.
So this morning as I was struggling to get enough air and focus to get through the day I started feeling selfish and guilty. My struggle this week is temporary. My house is a disaster and my schedule is out of whack but tomorrow is a new day and the house will eventually be back in order. As I think of friends whose struggle is so much more real than this, so much more of a daily reality where things like a tidy house and a routine no longer hold the same importance, I am reminded how blessed I am by this mess. I have a home, a husband to disrupt my sleep, kids to dirty the dishes and a great job that allows me to do home renovations. Today I didn’t need order as much as I needed to change my perspective!
Thanks for reading my random reality post. This little space really helps me work through some things in my mind sometimes and I appreciate you following along. Here’s to
smiling through the chaos.
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