Mamaw 1926-2020

My sweet Mamaw gained her long awaited wings on Sunday, June 21st. I will never forget her and want to make sure my children and theirs are able to carry a little piece of her with them. Today I’m sharing some of the words I spoke at her service along with some of my favorite pictures.

When I was born we lived next door to Mamaw and Papaw in a trailer house.  Once I was old enough to open a door, I was across the yard and in her kitchen asking for cereal first thing every morning.  She let me drink a little coffee with my milk and made the best cinnamon toast.  Once, I vividly remember her using a square of toilet paper to try and lure a baby calf over to the fence for me.  As a first born I really loved feeling like a grown up and she always let me think I was.  I have so many vivid memories of my time staying at her house in the country.  

You had to have a little bit of tough skin to be loved by her.  If you wanted honesty you didn’t really have to ask for it…she was going to give it to you.  Gained a little weight?  She would get you back on track.  Wearing your jeans too tight or your skirt too short?  She had an opinion about that too.  She expected our kids to behave and didn’t put up with their whining.  You never had to wonder what she was thinking because she had zero filter.  Even so, her lap was always ready for you to sit in and she was quick to tell you how much she loved you.

I would guess most who knew her never saw her without her face on.  She definitely prided herself on looking nice and presentable. Up until the very end she wanted to fix her face and put on her cold cream each night.  Her biggest complaint during our current state, aside from not being able to visit in person, was not having her hair done  She loved to shop and a new outfit and sparkly things brought her joy.  Definitely a proper lady. 

Boy did she love to have fun and wasn’t much for sitting around just visiting.  She had a hall closet full of games and puzzles to play and she didn’t hesitate to beat you no matter your age.  She was still enjoying BINGO and dominoes before COVID stole our social lives.  And boy did she love to dance!  There was always music playing in her house and I vividly remember her popping in the 8-track full of Christmas music and dancing around to jingle bell rock.  As she moved to assisted living, she was so excited to find they had music and dancing on Tuesday nights. 

You could also always count on the candy dish to be full and there to be ice cream in the freezer.  It was hard to keep her stocked on candy and I’m not sure we realized what a sweet tooth she had until she could no longer drive.  Hersheys kisses and any kind of dessert and she was a happy girl. 

Here greatest love was her family.   I’m not sure most of us can come close to imagining the pain she must have felt on the daily for many, many years.  Losing first her beautiful daughter, then her loving husband followed by her two adoring sons.  She then loved and lost again with her second husband.  Still, she woke up every day and got dressed and put one foot in front of the other.  Her strength was undeniable. I smiled at her funeral as we sang Because He Lives (she chose all the music) and have to believe this was the source of her strength.

Don’t get me wrong, she had many days of feeling sorry for herself and wondering why God let this happen to her.  She often told me she just didn’t know why she was still here when she had lost so many she loved.  In the last 6 months I told her over and over why I felt she was still here.  I feel it was God’s plan to teach her grandchildren compassion.  It is easy to love someone when they are joyful and healthy but continuing to love someone and care for them when they are weak, ill or physically impaired takes more than just surface adoration. 

I hope today she is no longer needing the answer from God to her questions.  The vision of my beautiful aunt rushing to meet her with all her boys following behind makes my heart so full.  Finally reunited with her precious family after so many years apart with no more pain; whole and healed.  I’m so thankful for the years we had with her.  The fact that all her great grandchildren knew her is a treasure.  I’m grateful even with dementia she never forgot who we all were and was always so excited to see us walk in. 

As we planned her funeral, or should I say as we reviewed the plans she made for herself in 2002, it was easy to see she had been prepared to go for a long time. After the funeral director noted a life insurance policy we weren’t aware of, my brother checked her filing cabinet and right in the front was a spiral he had never noticed even though he had looked in this cabinet many times over the years. On the front cover it read, Shelly & Brian, this is some information you may need. Y’all, everything we could have needed to know was written down ever so neatly; including a note that we didn’t need to worry about that life insurance policy because she cashed it in! It made me smile to think what she might have spent that money on.

Our lives are not guaranteed for sure but I am thankful for the extra time I had with her. I feel the relationshiop my brother and I were able to have with her, though not necessarily how we would have chosen it, gave us a deeper connection and wisdom we will draw from over and over in the years to come.

My Mamaw left me with the color of her eyes, her love for shopping and getting dressed every day and sometimes her knack for being brutally honest. She was sassy and strong, impatient and particular….a special gem.  She will undoubtedly live on in our hearts. 

Thank all of you who have reached out since her passing but also for loving her through my stories the last few years.